Once upon a time

by Danica

I used to watch videos by Charles Trippy for a while earlier this year, and while browsing some of his older stuff on YouTube, I came across this video. Basically, what he did was he started off a story and from the various video responses he received from other YouTube users, he continued that story till “The End.”

Sometime in May, I had this wicked idea of putting together my own story, in a way similar to how Charles did it. But instead, I’d do it on the (not so) beloved Facebook! So I wrote a note, typed up a brief explanation and tagged as many people as I thought would be interested in participating. Out of the 27 people I tagged, 14 people participated. Thanks to all of you. You kept me laughing at basically every word when I was in the library supposedly studying and doing assessments.

So, here’s the story, complete and short as it is. I didn’t touch any of it — this is what my writers wrote. The only changes I’ve made are grammatical ones and such. I’ve also had to add full stops (/periods) where people just kept using commas over and over and over and over…

(Also, here’s the link to the original note, where all the action happened. If the link doesn’t work, befriend me on Facebook first.)

One day, while walking through the forest, I farted while playing my flute, and I discovered I had the ability to hit two musical notes at the exact same time out of opposite ends of my body.

After walking for a while, I reached the edge of the forest. I gazed into the distance and saw the enchanted town of Dolphinian where all the pixies were emo and bled pixie dust. The unicorns, however, were drug addicts, shaving their unicorns and sniffing it like cocaine.

While this was going down, on the other side of town the purple monkeys were singing, “I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky,” but were absurdly off-key. So, I corked each purple monkey’s mouth with the fist of the purple monkey next to them.

That was when they started turning blue.

Out of nowhere, the monkeys ate their tails and sang with joy about their blue bodies and nails and face and hair.

Then, a tree came along and jumped onto a river and they had kids.

Then the cow went sideways and ate all the fish.

The boy cried, “Help!” because he got stuck in a toilet bowl, so I took a picture of him.

But then, I woke up.

Realising that I had had the weirdest dream, I noticed something in the corner of my eye.

It was a leoplurodon.

Or maybe tears ’cause I wasn’t one of the purple monkeys. I shouldn’t have woken up.

But with my loud thinking, I woke up Chewbacca, who was sleeping next to me. He pulled out a light saber, ready to attack the ninjas in the window throwing their tiny dwarf dodos at him, failing to notice, in their rush to defeat the hairy Wookie, the giant penis.

I saw Danica, and I died.

I could feel myself float directly away from my body, away from the gigantic appendage and above and beyond the clouds.

“Beam ‘er up!”

Suddenly, I realise I’m not in heaven. I was aboard the Starship Enterprise.

At that moment, Captain Picard strolled into the room and came right up to me, bringing along his leprechaun cousin, Seamus.

“Where’s the pot of gold?” I jabbed. Seamus seemed rather embittered by this remark, so with a horrified look, I see him point his staff towards me.

He turned me into a magical cheeseburger phone!

I ate myself to make me feel better, not knowing where exactly my waste would end. I looked down and saw my keypad as Seamus said, “Rub your keypad and you’ll end up at the end of the rainbow, where you’ll get three wishes.”

I was more than happy to be out of this predicament, but I soon realised I had no hands to rub my keypad with. So, I charged up and turned Super Saiyan, with a power level of over 9000, saying to myself, “With this power, I can generate arms!” So, I verbally/mentally hadouken’d until, VOILA! I now had hands to rub my keypad with.

But wait…

I’m not a phone anymore! I have no keypad which means…

No wishes!

Seamus guffawed. “You got what you deserved. But wait! I give you this as a parting gift.”

Seamus handed me a Robot Leonidas, who sang the Spartan remix. But all of a sudden, a dark cloud began to loom over the sky, and Robot Leonidas immediately started to malfunction — singing a rendition of ‘Africa’ by Toto.

And then I farted.

But this was no ordinary fart. It was a Cloudius Transportias which somehow transported me to Zimbabwe among the villages of the Takey-my-tiki Tribe.

“Greetings! I am the Lizard Queen!”

Then I woke up.

I hope you enjoyed that! I sure did.

Now this is the part where I acknowledge all the participants (in order of participation):

Jerry M.

(If your name isn’t linked somewhere and you’d like it to be, or if it is linked somewhere and you want the URL changed or removed, request it in a comment below and fill out the URL part in the comment form.)

– “Keep moving forward.” – Walt Disney