Baring my heart.

Once upon a time

Posted by: Danica on: November 20, 2009

I used to watch videos by Charles Trippy for a while earlier this year, and while browsing some of his older stuff on YouTube, I came across this video. Basically, what he did was he started off a story and from the various video responses he received from other YouTube users, he continued that story till “The End.”

Sometime in May, I had this wicked idea of putting together my own story, in a way similar to how Charles did it. But instead, I’d do it on the (not so) beloved Facebook! So I wrote a note, typed up a brief explanation and tagged as many people as I thought would be interested in participating. Out of the 27 people I tagged, 14 people participated. Thanks to all of you. You kept me laughing at basically every word when I was in the library supposedly studying and doing assessments.

So, here’s the story, complete and short as it is. I didn’t touch any of it — this is what my writers wrote. The only changes I’ve made are grammatical ones and such. I’ve even had to add full stops (/periods) where people just kept using commas over and over and over and over…

(Also, here’s the link to the original note, where all the action happened. If the link doesn’t work, befriend me on Facebook first.)
One day, while walking through the forest, I farted while playing my flute, and I discovered I had the ability to hit two musical notes at the exact same time out of opposite ends of my body.

After walking for a while, I reached the edge of the forest. I gazed into the distance and saw the enchanted town of Dolphinian where all the pixies were emo and bled pixie dust. The unicorns, however, were drug addicts, shaving their unicorns and sniffing it like cocaine.

While this was going down, on the other side of town the purple monkeys were singing, “I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky,” but were absurdly off-key. So, I corked each purple monkey’s mouth with the fist of the purple monkey next to them.

That was when they started turning blue.

Out of nowhere, the monkeys ate their tails and sang with joy about their blue bodies and nails and face and hair.

Then, a tree came along and jumped onto a river and they had kids.

Then the cow went sideways and ate all the fish.

The boy cried, “Help!” because he got stuck in a toilet bowl, so I took a picture of him.

But then, I woke up.

Realising that I had had the weirdest dream, I noticed something in the corner of my eye.

It was a leoplurodon.

Or maybe tears ’cause I wasn’t one of the purple monkeys. I shouldn’t have woken up.

But with my loud thinking, I woke up Chewbacca, who was sleeping next to me. He pulled out a light saber, ready to attack the ninjas in the window throwing their tiny dwarf dodos at him, failing to notice, in their rush to defeat the hairy Wookie, the giant penis.

I saw Danica, and I died.

I could feel myself float directly away from my body, away from the gigantic appendage and above and beyond the clouds.

“Beam ‘er up!”

Suddenly, I realise I’m not in heaven. I was aboard the Starship Enterprise.

At that moment, Captain Picard strolled into the room and came right up to me, bringing along his leprechaun cousin, Seamus.

“Where’s the pot of gold?” I jabbed. Seamus seemed rather embittered by this remark, so with a horrified look, I see him point his staff towards me.

He turned me into a magical cheeseburger phone!

I ate myself to make me feel better, not knowing where exactly my waste would end. I looked down and saw my keypad as Seamus said, “Rub your keypad and you’ll end up at the end of the rainbow, where you’ll get three wishes.”

I was more than happy to be out of this predicament, but I soon realised I had no hands to rub my keypad with. So, I charged up and turned Super Saiyan, with a power level of over 9000, saying to myself, “With this power, I can generate arms!” So, I verbally/mentally hadouken’d until, VOILA! I now had hands to rub my keypad with.

But wait…

I’m not a phone anymore! I have no keypad which means…

No wishes!

Seamus guffawed. “You got what you deserved. But wait! I give you this as a parting gift.”

Seamus handed me a Robot Leonidas, who sang the Spartan remix. But all of a sudden, a dark cloud began to loom over the sky, and Robot Leonidas immediately started to malfunction — singing a rendition of ‘Africa’ by Toto.

And then I farted.

But this was no ordinary fart. It was a Cloudius Transportias which somehow transported me to Zimbabwe among the villages of the Takey-my-tiki Tribe.

“Greetings! I am the Lizard Queen!”

Then I woke up.

 
I hope you enjoyed that! I sure did.

Now this is the part where I acknowledge all the participants (in order of participation):

Keno
Geresa
Jasmine
Jerry M.
Fernando
CJ
Chunki
Jonah
Daz
Jaisal
Gab
Joana aka Jomee
Abi
Lawrence
Billy

 
(If your name isn’t linked somewhere and you’d like it to be, leave a comment and fill out the URL part in the comment form.)

- Keep moving forward.
 

Unirregular

Posted by: Danica on: November 4, 2009

There’s a blog bug goin’ around in GFRESH and it doesn’t seem to have bitten me yet.

I’ve been struggling like crazy to formulate a post in which I share all the lessons I’ve learnt from and since SOS camp. But with all the distractions, I haven’t been able to collect my thoughts properly into a clear and articulate post that doesn’t go off into different tangents at every paragraph.

People have been asking me when I’m going to post a new one, so I feel somewhat pressured to write a post that has a huge bang; one that leaves everyone in absolute awe of my wisdom. But I realised that it would be ridiculous and that’d be impossible.

So instead of trying to write something, I’m just going to post the transcript of part of a preaching by Joseph Prince from Hillsong Conference in 2007. My sister was actually watching the DVD of said preaching one afternoon, and I was sitting in the lounge room as well, eating, and I heard this part and it left me in awe. So here, I share it to you, because it is an amazing teaching:

[Referring to John 13:23-24] The Bible says that John was leaning on Jesus’ breast that night. It’s an expression of depending on the Lord’s love for him, not on his love for the Lord. He wasn’t leaning on his own bosom. He was depending on the Lord’s love for him.

Peter, on the other hand — he defies the believers and the law who boast of their love for the Lord. When the Lord says, “One of you shall betray me,” Peter said, “Lord, if all these should betray You, I’d never, ever betray You. And where You go, I’ll follow, I’ll follow. [Sings] You’ll always be my first love, my first love…” Before the night was over, he denied ever, ever knowing his Master. Whereas when you find the disciple who boasts of the Lord’s love for him, John — at the foot of the cross.”

The first result of knowing that you are loved by God; of practising the sense of being loved by God; to be effectively under grace is to always feed on his love for you, because it’s a fixed and constant that God loves you.

You know, when you’re fresh out of this conference, you go back and you’re on a high. Chances are sometimes, you look at your love and you say, “I’m not doing too bad. Man, I’m on fire. I’m passionate!”; and you become introspective. You become self-occupied instead of Christ-occupied; instead of His love-occupied, amen. Instead of practising like what Paul does — “The Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me” — he made it personal — and you put your eyes on your love for the Lord.

How many of you know that sometimes after service, we go back. On Monday our love is like this [palm above head] on the track, and then on Tuesday it does like this [hand moves downward as he steps sideways]. Wednesday it goes on like this [hand moves downward again as he steps sideways]. Maybe Thursday it does like this [hand moves upward as he steps sideways]. Our love for Him fluctuates and wavers. His love for You is a fixed and a constant [palm is held above his head as he walks back across the stage], hallelujah. We are not to fix our eyes on that which is wavering. We are to fix our eyes on that which is fixed and unchanging — His love for us. And when you do that, you become stable, amen.

You know, when I was in the navy in Singapore, every teenage person, when it comes to the age of 17, have to serve in the national service. I was drafted to the navy, and my first day on the fighter boat was an awesome experience of throwing up all over the place. And all my friends were throwing up. And the officer was behind me. He was finding the whole thing amusing. It was choppy waters, and he says, “Guys, guys, come on. Look far to the horizon. Where you see the horizon, at that which is fixed. Keep your eyes on that which is fixed.” And when we did that, we were stabilised.

Keep your eyes on His love for you, amen. Even when you don’t feel it.

I hope you enjoyed that and got something out of it.

*NOTE* Mr Donald Mills of crabbyoldfart.wordpress.com used to post 3 times a week, but found he wouldn’t have been able to keep up with this schedule if he were to live a normal life. He says that it’s important to be regular and that he’ll post once a week whether he has something to say or not. I told myself I’d do this — post once a week — but it’s hard when I don’t know what to talk about. It’s especially hard when every time I try to write something, I keep erasing (or backspacing) everything and starting from scratch over and over and over again. But I’ll try to post more often, I really will.

*Another note* I put this at the end of my previous post and I never got any ‘proper’ replies in regards to it:

*A not-so-important note but I want you to read it anyway (it is kind of important actually)* My sister reckons I should have a go at video blogging. So I’m thinking for my first one I’ll answer a bunch of questions that my readers want the answers to, and I’ll put it up by the end of the month. Leave a comment here, tweet it at me or email me. Or contact me however you want. I’ll answer the most frequently asked. Or maybe the funniest. I don’t know. Ask away and we’ll see what you guys come up with.

Let me know what you fellas think.
 
- Keep moving forward.
 

Beached whale

Posted by: Danica on: October 21, 2009

If you know me, then you’d know that whales are my favourite animal.

I have posters of them on my bedroom walls. One of my dreams is to see Blue whales in the Antarctic (Killer whales, not so much. They eat penguins). I went whale watching for my birthday. I have a “Save the whales, eat the Japanese” T-shirt. I’m against whale deaths or anything that prevents them from doing what whales do.

Apparently though, people think that getting beached is a ‘whale thing’.

It’s not.

Even so, when I came across this video on YouTube, I was quite amused:

What I find hilarious, though, isn’t the concept of the (I-don’t-know-what-species) whale getting stranded on a beach, but the exaggerated Kiwi accents. Ah nu. Ah nu! I’m beached bru. I’m beached is! Do you heppin to have a bucket or a huse, bru? I need to git wit, esep. Oh man, I can’t get enough of that dialogue.

Anyway, on my 20th birthday last month, a group of my closest friends-that-I-pretty-much-grew-up-with-and-I-would-not-be-here-without-them bought this gigantor canvas and “signed” it as my birthday card.

My birthday canvas

My birthday canvas

See that picture/painting at the bottom? Here’s a close-up:

Sorry it's a little blurry. My hand was slightly unsteady and I didn't use flash.

Sorry it's a little blurry. My hand was slightly unsteady and I didn't use flash.

Aaron and Loi drew/painted that. I’m proud of them ’cause it looks awesome (I still gotta glue the seagull’s beak ’cause they didn’t glue it properly).

So then later, Aaron told me that there were more episodes created about the beached, Kiwi whale. Here’s the trailer for the series:

And here are my favourite episodes:

You’re shrunking!
Chull out, bru. I’m just a kud.
I’m a kud whale. I haven’t gone bug yit.
I only swum un fufteen minute untervals. I don’t want my skun to go wrunkly.
I fund uf I flup my fluppers, I cen wuggle back in.

 

Hey luttle stungray, I know why you’re sed.
You dudn’t know your mum and you dudn’t know your ded.

 
Anyway, I just wanted to share my amusement with my readers.

*NOTE* This is not the blog post I promised on Twitter. This is just a filler blog to entertain you guys and to remind you that I am still alive and that I will still blog. The blog post that I promised will be up by Sunday night (Sydney time) like I promised.

*A not-so-important note but I want you to read it anyway (it is kind of important actually)* My sister reckons I should have a go at video blogging. So I’m thinking for my first one I’ll answer a bunch of questions that my readers want the answers to, and I’ll put it up by the end of the month. Leave a comment here, tweet it at me or email me. Or contact me however you want. I’ll answer the most frequently asked. Or maybe the funniest. I don’t know. Ask away and we’ll see what you guys come up with.

- Keep moving forward.
 

Click for a random post!

Elsewhere on the interblag


Tweets

Katigoris

Monthlies

I can't HEAR you!

Jaisal on Once upon a time
Jomee on Once upon a time
Jomee on Once upon a time
jonah on Once upon a time
ceejhay on Once upon a time
Danica on Unirregular
CLA on Unirregular