Baring my heart.

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

Category: Revelations

I’m aiming for a HD

I’m studying for an exam that’s far more important than any other, and while I now know all the theory, I’m finding it hard to actually apply it in order to pass the exam — which is the application of the theory in my life. Anticipating the final exam is getting me more pumped for SOS (graduation), but if I don’t study hard enough and I end up with less than a High Distinction, I’ll feel guilty throughout my graduation ceremony because I didn’t reach the standard I had set for myself earlier, which was to get a HD. Sure, a Distinction, Credit or Pass will still result in me getting my diploma and graduating, but a HD is my target and goal. If I miss my target, even by one mark, graduation will not be a time for me to celebrate my achievements — it will just be another ceremony, another piece of paper, another camp.

After a student graduates from high school, what do they do? They celebrate, they party, they go on holiday, they become lazy and sleep in every day. The better prepared students, however, will have applied for jobs well before graduation, so that when they leave school, they are not being idle and they are making the most of their time. They will enter the REAL WORLD in order to MAKE A LIVING.

Often, after youth camps, the passion resides. The youth were zealous during the 3 or 4 days of camp, but when they return home and enter the REAL WORLD (school, work, etc.), their passion dies and they stop studying. They become lazy, sleepy and idle. They go back to their old ways of living, which, in reality, means spiritual death.

This fast is preparation for my turn to enter the REAL WORLD, so that when I graduate — when SOS is over and I go back to uni the following day — my passion will not die and I won’t stop studying. I won’t have a “job”, per se, but there will be a change reflected in me that will alert people in the REAL WORLD that I am “making a living” — that I am going to work every day; that I am dying to self and taking up my cross daily.

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name,
will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you.

John 14:26

The Holy Spirit, my Teacher, did not teach me the things that He has and then tested me on it so that I would graduate, and then that was it. He didn’t teach me important, life-changing lessons so that I would forget all of it after graduation, but so that when employers (the unsaved) look at my qualifications, they see that I HAVE the qualifications. They will see that I when I carry the name of Christ, it is not merely a label to notify other Christians that we can hang out on a Sunday morning. But it is a title, a name, and a calling that I was predestined to have. It is a way of living that I will choose to live on a daily basis, not so that I look holy compared to the rest of the world, but because I desire to live the Matthew 22:37 life — to love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my mind.

– “Keep moving forward.” – Walt Disney

 

Pick yourself up! …And God will do the rest

If I fall and hurt myself, I’m not going to sit on the ground crying about my pain. I’m not going to complain about my injury, or proclaim to people around me how weak I am. I’m going to want to seek help.

If necessary, I will take medication to heal my pain or to heal my wound. If I need a cast on a broken bone, I will get a cast. If I need a band-aid to cover up a small cut or graze in my skin, I will get a band-aid and put it on. If I need stitches to close up a would in my flesh, I will get those stitches put into place.

As a human being, I am prone to sin. I am vulnerable to tripping over, to falling down, to failing, and to getting hurt. Some of those things I can’t help, but if I do fall, I’m not going to whine or complain about it. I’m not going to declare that, “I, Danica Sevilla, have sinned.” I’m not going to wallow in self pity, or sulk about how I’m useless and worthless.

I’m going to go to God for help. I’m going to read His Word, because it tells me how to heal my wounds, which is through communication with Him, through communion with Him, and through a relationship with Him. I’m going to talk to God about my problems and struggles, rather than going to a person, who is as capable of falling as I am. There’s no reason to ask help of someone who could possibly drag me into their problems and struggles.

Only God — who is completely perfect and sinless, and is stronger than any being on this planet — can be my refuge, my shield, my deliverer from evil, my rescue, my lifesaver, and my hiding place.

“My hiding place, my safe refuge
My treasure Lord, You are
My friend and King, anointed one
Most Holy

Because You’re with me, I will not fear”

From I Will Exalt You by Brooke Fraser/Hillsong

– “Keep moving forward.” – Walt Disney

– –

“Let not the things of this world ever sway me
I’ll run till I finish the race”
Lord Of Lords by Brooke Fraser/Hillsong

 

Grab that baton and run for your life!

It’s Monday the 24th of August and Day 3 of my fast, and I’m feeling pretty darn good about my weekend. A normal Saturday would have consisted of me sitting in or on my bed checking Facebook, checking emails, reading webcomics and watching a load of Youtube videos. Then, when that was done, I’d sit in front of the TV watching a movie or browsing TV channels while I waited for my piano students to arrive for their lessons (neither of them came on Saturday, by the way, so I guess this weekend was an unexpected breather for me).

Over this weekend, though, I had so much time to myself and I had no idea what to do. I had homework to complete, notes to read, group assessment meetings to organise, a scarf to knit (that I wanted to finish before our now-ending winter ended), and books to finish, but, I still didn’t know what to do. I was being a lazy couch potato, but I now realise that this fast is not just a break from the things that used to unnecessarily consume all of my time. Instead, this fast is a chance for me to run faster than I have ever run before!

When I was in primary school and high school [at Bethel] I used to be really active in athletics. I was able to throw the shot or the discus the furthest. I jumped the longest in long jump, and the highest in high jump. I’d run the 100m in a reasonable time and come first. My ‘amazing’ results sent me to Zone every year, but when I threw, jumped or ran against the girls from the other schools, I couldn’t actually throw that far, I couldn’t actually jump that high, and I wasn’t actually that fast. Needless to say, I always came last (I was lucky if I came 2nd last).

For the purpose of this blog post, and because life is a race that we are running (not a heavy metal ball that we are throwing), let’s focus on the 100 metre event and ignore all the other events.

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Breathe oxygen

I was spending the night enjoying some Backstreet Boys tunes, and I thought to myself how I hadn’t listened to Drowning, one of my favourite songs, in a while. I had actually drawn something last year (yes, I draw – sort of) which was inspired by the lyrics of that song, and I haven’t shown it to anyone. Except, maybe a select few.

I debated with myself about whether I would show you guys. The next song that played was, in fact, Drowning, so I figured WHY NOT. I’ll show you guys my little artwork.

Breathe oxygen

The writing there is actual lyrics from the song. It reads “Every time I breathe I take you in. And my heart – it beats again.” It’s probably my most favourite sentence from that song, and it can have so much depth to it, depending on how you look at it. Here is my interpretation:

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Lesson of the Day

(More like a lesson that I’ve been learning the past several months, but I only realised this barely 2 minutes ago.)

Dwelling on the past causes more pain
than when you were living in it as the present.

When it was the present, you were numb to the whole situation. You were oblivious to everything around you. You were deaf and blind, and none of your senses were working to their full potential. They still work, but not as well as they should be.

However, once it’s passed and you’ve (apparently) moved on, you look back on what you went through, it seems to hurt so much more. Why?

You’d think that because you’re not in that situation anymore, the pain would dissipate quickly. But, you see, while the band-aid keeps the germs and the dirt away and out of the cut on your arm, that cut will not heal properly unless you wash it and expose it to oxygen.

Likewise, your heart will keep hurting if you try to nurse the wounds with kind words, hugs and kisses, comforting anecdotes and fake smiles. Let God breathe on you. Only He can bring you healing. And only His Word can restore your soul.

When you look back on your past, you are finally able to see all the pain and suffering you went through while in that (or those) situation(s). You tend to feel sorry for yourself, which is why even though you’ve “let go and moved on,” it still hurts like hell. It’s not supposed to hurt, right? You’ve moved on. You’ve let go. Why are you experiencing unbearable pain?

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